Wrecking Ball

I have decided to only post on this once a week but to write every day!

In summary of this week... I have come to realise that my approach to this journal is a reflection of my true approach to life, how I should be living in order to be true to me. How we approach this journal is really, really personal and can tell others so much about ourselves.

My attitude towards the wrecking has changed completely - each act of destruction is a chance to create a new set of possibilities. I have some plans for the repair / transformation of my journal following last weeks seriously destructive start but this requires a little time... It has given me some lovely ideas.

I am not sure if I am ever going to be able to consider my journal as finished! Each page can be reworked and reworked. Destructive acts can just add layers and layers of character to it. If something beautiful is lost it doesn't matter, it is still there in my laptop, stored for all timeand there is the possibility that something even more fantastic can be made from the new starting point.

Experimenting is great and this journal is one great big experiment....

*****

Saturday
Took journal in shower and gave it a bit of a wash with my shampoo bar and then my solid conditioner to. It now smells nice and is a wee bit cleaner! Took the book out in the car and left it in the car so it could bake a little to help it dry out.

I started the day by feeling a little sorrowful about my book. It is a mess. It is haggard and old and the chances of me managing to make anything nice and pretty in such a book are just so slim. I was mourning the fact that I could have created a thing of beauty and instead I have this abused hunk of sodden paper which is still muddy.

But then I began to think. I can fix it. There is no reason I can not fix the damage and turn parts of the book into something else. There is no reason I can not mend the cover and tape up the spine. In fact I will need to if I am going to send it in the post... I can still have pretty but it doesn't have to be pretty and if it is pretty, i can make it ugly again whenever I feel like and pretty it up again too.... Maybe this hournal will never ever actually be finished....

Sunday
The journal is still wet so I can't do a whole lot to it really. I pulled out a page and stuck it under some soil to compost in our garden. I pulled out another page to screw up and put in my black jeans pocket before I wash them. I figured that I might as well do something fun to the washing page before so I could see what washing does to colour to. One side I used watercolour pencils and the other I used oil pastels....

I then put my journal out in the garden to dry and every so often I popped out to open it to a different page to help with the drying...

Monday
The journal was still damp and found itself left on the landing to dry today. After work I finally crumpled up my washing page and put it in my jeans to wash and that is where it is right now. I have my draw of pens next to me and my journal and I am going to have a play while we have a film on TV....

... I have doodled and dabbled... My front cover has been embellished with metallic markers and it now has a luscious flowering vine. My name page has my name. I discovered that my name spelt backwards gives DNILASOR which kind of makes me think dinosaur, so I drew a very rough dinosaur to go with it. I added some page numbers. Page one is the taking book for a walk page and it has a giant metallic green one. Page two is an orange shower page. Page three I can't find but I did rip a page out and screw it up. Page four is the stub of a composting page. Page five is in the washing machine still. Page sixIs the one that tells you to embellish other pages and six a is the front cover. Page seven is a lovely messing connect dots with eyes shut and eight is my name page.

BUT MY JOURNAL IS STILLLLL DAMP!

Tuesday
My journal is still damp. some of the things I did last night have altered since last night. They have bled a little, mingled a little, passed on to other pages a little... I do need to get the thing dry soon though otherwise it will start to smell and go mouldy. Might have a go with my hairdryer later... In fact I think it already needs some odour assistance, my shampoo and conditioner seem to have worn off... The scent page calls. Job for tonight....

My washed page has come out nice. The oil pastels are still there, mostly. The water colour pencils have been mostly washed out but there are hints of colour here and there. The page has a lovely soft crinkly texture now to.

While everyone was out of the room I sneakily borrowed some pens...



At lunch I did a bunch more things...

Thursday
Noticed that my composting page is not composting - it is being eaten!